"One of those days."
Have you ever had one?
You know, one where everything that can go wrong, does go wrong?
The kids are screaming and fighting. Work schedules don't work out. Babies are crying and simply needing mommy. Constantly. Appliances are breaking. Pipes are leaking. The repair man was rude. You drop your phone in the toilet and it fries. The land line is down again...
And then you stub your toe.
And it's like all the overwhelmingness of the day, the week, the month just wash over you all at once and threaten to drown you. The waves come out in the form of hot, scalding tears. Almost as raw as your throat and your shame from yelling at the kids who really just want to know that they're loved anyway.
And your left thinking, in your pool of tears holding that baby who still won't nap while her twin sister cries from the confines of the crib, again, because she doesn't like being alone...
Thinking... who could possibly love me like this? Who could possibly look at me, this fuming, shamed, mess that I am and think "I love her, mess and all?" All that I've done... the yelling, the frustrated words and responses, the ultimatums when there should have been hugs and "redos" and all... who could love this?
And more importantly, why would they want to?
In the midst of all the chaos, all the discouragement and self-loathing... that is where we find it.
A passion so powerful that it makes our shortcomings and misgivings seem just as trivial as they actually are, in the grand scheme of things anyway.
This is all temporary. It's all going to burn up one day anyway. The bad days, the frustration, the imperfection, it's all going to be discarded one glorious day like so many filthy rags that our works will prove to be.
But grace, grace is eternal. Grace trumps scorn and self loathing every time. God's grace was planned before it was exercised and purposed before it was imparted.
This is what makes sacrifice so exceptional, and what makes a sacrifice of praise possible. In the middle of every hurricane is an eye, and in the hurricane of this life Christ is our eye, and in the grace found in the ever reaching arms of Christ we can rest in the knowledge and faith that this too shall pass, just as everything passeth, and still praise as the storms rage around us, tearing apart everything that we've ever held dear.
We can praise Him, knowing that even though all things may pass away, slipping so hopelessly from our outstretched arms as we look on helplessly with red-rimmed, exhausted eyes, but Christ will always remain...
And Christ is enough.
He specializes in miracles, because miracles are the artwork testimony to His goodness, grace, and presence in this wayward and prodigal world. Beauty from the ashes can only be unveiled when everything else around us has burned away in a spiritually and emotionally agonizing trial by fire.
Faith tells us that every. single. moment. of our trials can work a purpose in our lives.
Grace carries us through when it all gets too overwhelming, because it will get overwhelming, and it WILL be too much to bear. We were not meant to bear it all, but to rest in God's grace and let Christ bear it all, because He is the only One capable of bearing it. The Master of all humbled Himself to bear our sin, and it is He who is able to bear our troubles as well. Nothing is stronger than He who created all.
In the sacrifice of praise is where our broken hallelujahs reside, so precious in the eyes of our Lord. Expressions of a faithful soul who simply has been trying to bear it on her own shoulders for too long. A heart reaching out for Christ, even in the midst of her shame, regret, and self-hatred. A child seeking the refuge of the One who has arms enough to reach down and hold her, no matter the physical divide.
We are reminded that our hardships and failures do make us, but they do not define us. Not anymore.
Then hope is born,
Out of faith,
Because of grace,
And we find the strength to get up, wash our face, fix our hair, take a breath, and get through one more.
Because... grace.
"Broken Hallelujah"
I can barely stand right now.
Everything is crashing down,
And I wonder where You are.
I try to find the words to pray.
I don't always know what to say,
But You're the one that can hear my heart.
Even though I don't know what your plan is,
I know You're making beauty from these ashes.
I've seen joy and I've seen pain.
On my knees, I call Your name.
Here's my broken hallelujah.
With nothing left to hold onto,
I raise these empty hands to You.
Here's my broken hallelujah.
You know the things that have brought me here.
You know the story of every tear.
‘Cause You've been here from the very start.
Even though I don't know what your plan is,
I know You're making beauty from these ashes.
I've seen joy and I've seen pain.
On my knees, I call Your name.
Here's my broken hallelujah.
With nothing left to hold onto,
I raise these empty hands to You.
Here's my broken hallelujah.
When all is taken away, don't let my heart be changed.
Let me always sing Hallelujah
When I feel afraid, don't let my hope be erased
Let me always sing Hallelujah.
Let me always sing Hallelujah.
I will always sing
I will always sing
Here's my broken hallelujah."
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